>> Saturday, 13 March 2010
- This is a fun 6-part fan fiction that I wrote a while ago. Enjoy...
Summary: Who will last longer? The Doctor, without his beloved cups of tea, or Rose, without her greasy chips? They place a bet with each other to find out…
Part One - Signing the Contract
The Doctor was sat in the TARDIS console room on his own, happily holding a purple flask in his hands while his companion was upstairs. They'd both decided to have a quiet day in today, considering they'd spent the previous one running along corridors, trying to avoid a stray Hoix.
He promptly frowned to himself when Rose didn't reply, so he called again, this time raising his voice.
A few seconds later, she yelled her reply. "Yeah?"
"Can you come down here a moment?" the Doctor asked, standing up and circling the controls in a random fashion.
He sighed. "I've got an important question to ask you!"
While he waited for her to join him, he quickly checked the TARDIS screen and was relieved to see a few Gallifreyan symbols floating harmlessly around. He looked at them in longing for a moment, but was soon distracted by Rose, who leapt to his side a little breathlessly.
"Is something wrong?"
The Doctor grinned widely, making Rose smile herself. "You seem chirpy," she commented. This made him grin even more.
"What's this 'important question,' then?" she asked, air quoting around the Doctor's words.
"Well," the Doctor began, holding out his flask. "I was wondering if you'd join me in having a cup of tea?"
Rose rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips. "Are you being serious? You brought me down all those stairs for that?"
The Doctor's eyes widened in surprise.
"I was all the way up on the highest floor using the computer when you called me, and I thought there'd been a proper emergency!" she exclaimed, shaking her head.
"Ooh, why were you using the computer?" he asked curiously.
"Never mind that!" Rose snapped and the Doctor murmured an apology.
"I thought you liked tea," he commented, leaning against the console.
"I do," Rose replied. "I just don't share your scary passion for it."
The Doctor's mouth fell open. "My love for tea isn't scary. It's brilliant! Full of free radicals and tannins, you can't go wrong! All you British people love it… if something goes wrong you always say, 'Oh, I'll just put the kettle on.' Even you should know that, Rose, with your mother! Although she-"
"Doctor," Rose sighed. "You're rambling again."
He grumbled. "But the point still stands."
Her eyes travelled to the Doctor's flask. "When did you get that?"
"I've always had it," he shrugged. "It was in the storage room and I guessed it'd be easier to use it than boiling a kettle all the time." He looked at the object in admiration and Rose sighed dramatically.
"You're staring at that thing like it's the best thing ever invented!"
"Oh no," he said, shaking his head. "No, that's undoubtedly sliced bread. Although, I may have actually had a part in creating that…"
He trailed off, thinking to himself, while Rose just frowned.
"But it's still amazing," he continued suddenly, grinning wildly. "It can keep things hot and cold! That's genius!"
Rose was still not impressed.
"You're easily pleased," she grumbled. "And, you sound like Katy Perry."
The Doctor's smile faded. "Urgh."
After a few moments of shuddering, he poured himself some tea and started sipping at it contentedly, soon meeting Rose's eye after feeling her gaze on him.
"Why are you staring at me?" he asked, feeling a little self conscious. Rose blinked a few times before answering.
"I swear you're addicted to tea, Doctor."
He raised an eyebrow defensively. "I'm not."
"Oh yeah?" Rose said, edging closer towards him. "How much tea do you drink a day?"
"Not that much," he replied with a nonchalant shrug. "I'm too busy saving the Universe most of the time."
Rose remained silent.
"Well… I'd say perhaps one or two cups."
She still remained quiet.
"Well, maybe three to four."
"Alright, more like five or six, but that's not relevant."
"It is," she grinned smugly. "You're addicted."
"I'm not!" the Doctor protested.
"You so are!"
"Time Lords don't suffer from addictions."
"Well you do," Rose teased. "An almighty man, the last of his kind who fights all kinds of aliens, and his only weakness is a gold old cuppa tea."
He placed his flask on top of the console for emphasis and leaned towards her. "I really don't drink that much. At least it's not alcohol. That really does funny things to my system." He shuddered. "And getting drunk around Henry the Eighth really wasn't a great idea. I was nearly beheaded." He trailed off, shaking his head and returning to the present. "Anyway, like I said, I don't drink that much. I can control myself."
"No you can't," Rose smiled. "You couldn't last a week without it."
The Doctor's expression remained neutral. "I could say the same about you and your love of chips."
Rose's instincts made her want to flinch but she just about managed a calm face. "I don't know what you mean."
The Doctor knew Rose well; he had most definitely hit a nerve and he continued, taking a step closer towards her. "You know full well that you're addicted to chips, Rose Tyler."
"This is ridiculous," she said, starting to walk away. Before she could get very far, the Doctor gently grabbed her wrist and pulled her around so that she was facing him again, only a few inches away. Rose's breath quickened and she tried to remain angry, despite the Doctor's cheeky smile.
"You love chips, don't you?" he teased. "The warm, greasy, salty taste of those-"
"Argh, don't!" Rose screeched, covering her ears.
"Remember those chips covered in Krillitane oil? You certainly enjoyed those!"
"Shut up," she grumbled.
"And, after out first trip, we arrived back home on Earth and all you wanted was a nice portion of chips."
"Alright, you've got a point!" she sighed, lowering her arms. "But your addiction is more severe."
The Doctor's face fell and Rose stifled a laugh at the comic effect.
"With me, I only ever have chips about…"
"Four times a week?" the Doctor suggested, grinning a little.
"Yes, that sounds about right. Whereas you," she pointed, "have five or six cups of tea a day!"
"Tea is healthier," the Doctor argued.
"But it damages your teeth."
"What, these beauties?" he said, making a show of his perfect white smile. Rose grumbled; she'd always admired his teeth compared to her own.
"Yes, alright," she sighed. "Fair point, but I still think your addiction is greater."
The Doctor let out a long breath. "I've got a feeling we'll be arguing about this for the rest of time."
Rose laughed. "You've got that right."
"So…" the Doctor said, dragging out the word as he thought. "How about we have a little bet?"
"A bet?" Rose repeated, looking curious.
"Yeah," the Doctor smiled. "A bet."
She narrowed her eyes. "And what will it be about?"
He thought about this for a moment. "It will decide which of our addictions is the most severe." He looked her directly in the eyes. "I bet I can last a week without tea and that you wouldn't be able to do the same with your chips."
Rose squared her shoulders. "I beg to differ."
He smiled. "Do we have a bet, then?"
Rose nodded. "We do."
"I'll even type out a contract on the computer," he said, smiling excitedly. "Y'know, just to keep everything official."
"But what happens if we both survive a week?" Rose asked.
He raised an eyebrow. "Do you really think that's gonna happen?"
"What if it does?" she persisted. "We've gotta be prepared."
"We'll just say it's a draw," he said. "Although that's horribly boring."
"How about we just bet until somebody caves?" Rose offered. "That'd be more interesting."
The Doctor smiled slowly. "This bet could go on for a long time, then, 'cause I'm not giving in anytime soon."
Rose laughed. "You took the words right outta my mouth." She paused, shifting the weight between her feet. "So, what's the punishment for whoever loses?"
He thought again, and a mischievous grin soon appeared on his lips. "I think the smugness of the winner should be punishment enough."
"You've got an evil streak, you know that?"
He waggled his eyebrows.
"Hang on, how about the winner thinks of a punishment after the other person gives in? Y'know, keep the suspense and everything," Rose suggested.
"And you said I had the evil streak?" he laughed.
"Is that a deal, then?"
"It is. I'll just get this contract typed," he said, hurrying off into a random direction and disappearing into another room. Rose couldn't help grinning and also feeling fearful at the same time; could she really survive longer? The Doctor was a Time Lord and she was a mere human… surely that gave him an advantage? An unfair one, at that.
She was thinking this through when he suddenly hurried in with two pieces of paper in his hands.
"Blimey, you type fast," she said.
"Yeah, well, I'm talented," he replied with a wink. "Anyway, I've got a contract for each of us. Here's mine," he said, making a show of the paper and then reading aloud what he had typed.
I, the Doctor, accept the challenge of refraining from consuming any form of tea for as long as I can, in order to prove Rose Tyler wrong in thinking that she can last longer doing the same with chips. I will accept the punishment if I lose, ("like that's gonna happen," he added, earning a nudge in the ribs from Rose) and will also accept that I was wrong.
He looked up at her and handed her a sheet. "That's your's. All we need to do now is sign."
"You certainly do things properly," Rose commented.
He reached into one of his pockets and rummaged around for a while, his tongue sticking out as he concentrated. After a few moments, he found what he was looking for and produced two pens, handing one to Rose.
"Well, I've read this over a few times," she told him, "and there don't seem to be any footnotes or hidden traps of any kind."
The Doctor mocked looking offended and placed a hand to his chest. "Do you really think I'd do that?"
"Right then," Rose said, leaning on the flat surface of the console. "Let's do this."
The Doctor mirrored her actions, clicking his pen for dramatic effect. He quickly signed the paper and Rose did the same, biting her lip as she did so.
"We'll leave these up here for any future reference," he said, resisting the urge to smile. The truth was that he was already craving some caffeine and the flask of tea was horribly tempting, but he couldn't tell Rose that.
"We officially have a bet, then," Rose declared, rubbing her hands together. "Just remember the last bet we made, though, 'cause I actually won."
"Yeah, well," the Doctor shrugged. "Queen Victoria was being unfair."
"Unfair?" she scoffed. "I won fair and square. She was not amused."
The Doctor shook his head and held out his hand. Rose took it and shook, unable to stop smiling.
"Let the fun begin," she murmured sarcastically.
Part Two will be up on Sunday 21st March.